So you’re out at a bar, and you meet this really great girl or guy. You’re chatting and really hitting it off. Things are getting kinda heated, and you just can’t keep your hands off of each other. Before you know it, you are about to rip each other’s clothes off– but you can’t because you’re in a bar. And without having noticed, everyone else in the bar has moved as far from you as possible, because you are grossing everyone out with your blatant PDA. The natural next step would be to go to ‘my place or yours’– but you’ve got a pesky roommate, and he/she lives with their parents. What now? You’re flipping through your Spanish dictionary, trying to figure out what to say next, but alas, there are no words – you’re stuck.
Undoubtedly, you or a friend of yours has been in this situation before. And it sucks. For everyone. For you. For the other person. For all the people in the bar who you accidentally got in the way while you were busy groping each other. For some reason, North America and Europe haven’t really caught onto this awkward situation, but South America has known about it for a while. And as awkward as it is, they not only confront it, but they have a solution: Albergues Transitories (literally, temporary lodging), or more commonly referred to as telos.

Telo comes from the word hotel, but al vesre, which is a type of Argentine slang in which the words are reversed (hotel->telo. Get it?). Basically, what a telo is, is a hotel that you pay for by the hour. Obviously, they are not meant to be used as lodging, but rather for…orgasmic experiences. These telos are typically pretty cheap, and are very, very careful about keeping your privacy. You go in, you pay for however long you want, and you leave when your time is up. Simple as that.
Telos are not as taboo as you would expect them to be– in fact, most South Americans don’t seem to have any trouble chatting about their experiences in telos, but who they go to the telos with is a completely different story. There are two main time slots in which telos are the busiest: mid-day and late-night. Late-night is understandable, but why mid-day? The age-old clichí© of men and their secretaries is pretty common, so come lunchtime, telos are full of businessmen and women. ¡Que escí¡ndalo! (How scandalous!) [FYI: One of the more important Spanish phrases to know.]
Telos are located all around the city, as well as on the outskirts, and typically they can be a little hard to spot if you don’t know what you’re looking for. Subtle signs can clue you into whether you are walking past any old apartment building or a telo, but if you don’t know the signs, you would never notice.
The idea of a telo is very basic: just provide them with a bed, some flattering lighting, and maybe a large mirror. But some telos go over and beyond these simple expectations. Jacuzzis, open roofs, touch-screens to control everything from music to lighting to vibrating beds, costumes, and even themed rooms are not uncommon. Hey, it’s all a business!
Check out this article from an English newspaper here in Argentina called the Argentimes to read a bit more about telos and see some photos!
As you can probably imagine, the subject of telos comes up in Bueno, entonces… David is asking to borrow Jimena’s apartment in “Spanish Class 20 – Bueno, entonces… yo pongo un plí¡stico...” and she tells him maybe he should go to a telo. For a review of Learn Spanish Level II Class 20,- or to see a review of all 30 classes, check out Jeff’s Bueno, entonces…/Rosetta Stone Pepsi Challenge blog.
Of course, if you want to really start speaking and understanding Spanish the way real people talk, check out Bueno, entonces… Learn Spanish Levels I & II – only $147 for our language learning software set: 30 classes (18 hours of conversational Spanish instruction).
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